What to Do When You're Single and Not Dating Anyone
Whether
you're newly single or have been for a while, trying to figure out what to
do with your time when you're not dating anyone can be difficult. If
you're recently out of a relationship, there's that whole mourning period you
need to get through before you can truly be productive, and if you've been
single for a few months (or years), you might already be settled with the
past and are now looking toward the future. No matter which category you
fall in, when you're not dating anyone, you can sometimes feel like you're not
sure what to do with yourself. In a recent Bustle survey of over 400
millennial women, 45 percent of participants who were single and not dating
said loneliness was the most frustrating part of their status.
"Stay
busy and don't wallow negatively in [your] singleness, but instead take this
time as an opportunity," Erica McCurdy, MCC, CEO of TugWaa, Inc and McCurdy
Life Coach, Inc tells Bustle.
Being single
is a good thing, whether you choose to be or it just happens with the end of a
relationship. When people are single, they get to call all the shots and really
figure out what they do and don't want in life. It's an opportunity to
regroup, and everyone can use time to regroup.
Here are 11
other things experts recommend doing when you're not dating anyone.
9 Things to Do When You're Single & Not Dating Anyone
Set Goals
"Get to
know your values, set goals, and figure out what type of life you want to
live," Jenn DeWall, millennial life and career coach, tells Bustle.
"When you have a high sense of purpose and self-awareness it can help
dating because it can reduce the tendency to seek approval from others and
instead find love in who you are."
If you were
in a relationship that wasn't right for you, you may have felt like you
lost yourself. When you're not dating anyone, you can get back on track and
re-discover who you are.
"Remember
all those things you felt like you never had time for when you were dating?
Well, this is your time!"says McCurdy. "List out all those things you
complained about and start getting them done!"
Seek New Experiences
"Follow
what interests you, whether it be a trip to Africa or volunteering at a local shelter,"
says DeWall. "Do what makes you happy and more happiness will
follow."
If the key to
life, a well-lived life, is happiness, then this is the time to follow your
happiness. Being happy isn't a given in life. Sometimes you need to seek
it out and go to faraway places to find it.
Make A Change
After the end
of every relationship, I do two things: totally change my hair and get a
new tattoo. I also drink a lot of champagne and get the hell of out dodge. But
the first two are they physical changes on which I rely to get me up and moving
forward.
"Making
big changes can be hard when you are dating someone," says McCurdy.
"Now is the time to change your hair color, go for that new makeup look,
get that tattoo ... or other change. You are only pleasing yourself, so go for
it!"
Focus On Your Wants
Haven't you
been putting your wants second long enough? It's time to change that. This is
the time to correct that.
"A great
thing about being single is that it gives you permission to focus on what you
want and not another person's happiness," says DeWall. "Stay in for a
night, and find comfort in spending time with yourself."
Take A Class
"We can
only juggle so much at once without burning out," says McCurdy.
"Work, friends, and maintaining a positive relationship takes a
significant portion of our time. This might be the time to think about going
back to school or simply taking that class that's been on the bucket list
forever."
Knowledge is
power and you can never, ever, stop learning. So do yourself a favor and figure
out something you want to learn how to do, whether it's making fresh pasta or
learning Spanish, and take a class in it.
Truly Embrace Your Singlehood
Throw
yourself into being single, 100 percent, and just go for it. No matter how each
experience turns out, a lesson will be learned.
"Go to
weddings or events without a plus one," says DeWall. "Instead of
these being times to judge yourself for being single, embrace it. Think about
all of the people, conversations, and experiences you can have without having
to cater to the enjoyment of anyone else but yourself."
Move Your Body
"Endorphins
are beautiful things," says McCurdy. "Get out and move. Our happiness
doesn't and shouldn't rely on our relationship status, but sometimes we do feel
lonely. Doing exercise of any kind keeps our mind and body focused in a
positive way while building good habits."
Even if
you exercise only 10 minutes a day, it can have a huge effect on your
outlook on life. Anyone can dance or go for a walk for at least 10 minutes.
Learn To Love Yourself
Another great
habit to adopt? Body positivity. "[This is the time to] learn how to be
body positive and love your body," DeWall says. When we learn how to
be body positive and embrace ourselves for who we are, then we're really
making a great use of our time while we're not dating anyone.
Get A Pet
"Perhaps
this it the right time for you to invest in a different kind of
relationship," says McCurdy. "Having a dog to take on walks or a cat
to curl up with you on the sofa might be just the ticket. Pets tend to make us
feel better, give us something to take care of, and give us daily interaction.
Even a goldfish can give a little lift to the day."
If you don't
think you have the time or energy to be a parent to a pet 24/7 forever, then
consider fostering an animal. It won't just make you feel good, in more than
one way, but you'll be partaking in a necessary step that helps get
animals out of kill shelters and on their way to a forever home.
Time is meant
to be spent doing things that make us happy or have a positive impact on
ourselves and the world around us. Don't look at this time when you're dating
anyone as a burden or something you want to rush. Take advantage of it and
really make the most of it.
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